“Dear Dr. Pinky, I want to ask for advice on how to deal with financial issues with my spouse. We are married for 11 years and still we cannot talk about our financial problems and issues. He is not a risk taker and I am the one who always finds way in order to meet our monthly payment dues. Please advise me of how to face the financial problems as a couple.”
Letter Sender: Zenny (not her real name)
Incidentally, last weekend, me and my husband attended a Couples Getaway Retreat. We were invited by our friends. The retreat was conducted by Victory Alabang at Mt. Malarayat Golf and Country Club in Lipa, Batangas. It was the first time in 3 ½ years that we left our daughter that neither of us is around for her, but with able hands. Altogether it was a beautiful and relaxing experience.
Let me answer the question of Zenny from what we have learned in the retreat. I will divide in in 3 parts which represents the 3 sessions we had in the retreat:
1. THE PAST
We started this session with an activity.
They ask us, “Is there someone in the past (ex) that you thought you knew everything about that person, but it turned out, he or she is not being real?”
This activity, bring back issues of the past for all the participants about their ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends. And YES, most reasons of break ups were because of “kala mo kilala mo na sya, hindi pala.”
That also applies with your “present husbands or wives today,” especially with dealing with finances. You thought you knew everything about him/her, but it turned out, “hindi pala.” But you have to accept the other person no matter what. Both of you have your own baggages that you brought into the marriage that each one has to accept.
Zenny, you might think there are things that you should have known before you married your husband, but also think, He, may also have that same things in mind about you.
“See your spouse the way God sees him”
“Speak Destiny and Purpose to your spouse.”
2. THE PRESENT
After accepting the past, let us go to the present.
Zenny, look at this picture. In the letter, you told me “you cannot talk about your financial problems and issues.”
Those financial issues are like “the elephant in the room.” It represents big and obvious problem no one wants to discuss or talk about.
But obviously these are matters you really need to discuss with your husband, whether you like it or not.
Let me show you how to do it, Zenny:
- Make a Plan and Stick to it
Bringing up an uncomfortable topic produces flood of emotions in yourself and your spouse. Have a plan, which includes two elements: what are you going to say and when you are going to say it.
First, decide on what needs to be said, jotting down important points from your letter.
Like:
-
How he is not a risk taker
-
Your difficulty finding ways on how you can pay your dues
-
How he can be of help
Second, evaluate the ideal timing for each points. Be direct, honest and thorough.
- Listen
Once you had the opportunity to clear the air, open the floor for him. Be ready for his answer and remember to stick to your plan, emotions may play with you but remember that yielding to your emotions can lead you astray and you may not be able to address the elephant.
- Closure
Finally, have some closure. Make a plan together to address the issue together by going forward. When you were able to have a good closure you will both feel confident and happy that the elephant in the room has already left.
“God uses your present pressing problems to direct us, to inspect us and to bond us.”
“Your problems today are meant to let us grow. Sometimes, it takes a painful experience to change our ways.”
3. THE FUTURE
After accepting your pasts, and dealing with the present. It’s time to look forward to the future.
With dealing with your future especially in dealing with financial matters, to avoid future problems you have to have: love, harmony, humility and counsel.
“Proverbs 15:22 – “Plans fail for lack of counsel but with many advisers they succeed.”
Seek the help of financial experts that can help you plan your future. Identify your financial goals as a couple, write down the details, dream about it, consult it to your financial consultant and let him/her help you achieve it. You cannot do it alone, you need help.
Zenny, I hope I was able to help you deal with your financial trouble as a couple. The most important thing about it, is be honest with each other and face the problems together, it will make you both stronger.
If you don’t know any financial expert for counsel, I volunteer myself, contact me here.
Read more:
- 3 Reasons Why Your Housewife Needs Life Insurance Too
- For Richer or Poorer: Newlyweds Guide to Finance
- 5 Insider Tips on Finding the Right Financial Advisor for You
- 5 Money Habits To Avoid Telling Your Kids
- How to get more than 50% Discount for your Child’s College Tuition Fee
Addendum:
Thank you Victory Alabang CG for having us! We are grateful for the experience.
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Thank you for this!(: Nice read!
Thank you. 🙂